How to Let Go of Old Work Identities (Without Losing Yourself in the Process)

POV: You’ve taken the big leap to a new role, are reinventing yourself in an entirely different industry or starting to bring your entrepreneurial dream into the world. It’s a new chapter that you intentionally created for yourself. You’re fired up, and you’re feeling excited to (finally) be following your heart.

But then you wake up at 3:30 am, mind racing. You feel heavy and sad, like you’ve lost someone close or had a really bad breakup. Because, in a way, you kind of have - with yourself. It’s a lot of letting go over and over again. 

And then comes the self-doubt and paralyzing fear. You start romanticizing what you had before. That maybe it was better, even with the never-ending stress, burnout and misalignment. You question whether you’re on the right path. You ask yourself,  “If this is what I always dreamed of, why does it feel like loss and grief?”

Ugh. I’ve been there. I am there. 

What we've been taught about letting go
Chances are, like me, you were taught that feelings of fear, loss, and grief mean that something is wrong. But that’s just not true. The surfacing of these big feelings is part of moving towards what’s more aligned with who you are while acknowledging the past. It means you’re building the capacity to be present with the fullness of being human. 

How to let go (without losing yourself in the process)
First off, let’s move past the idea that letting go means shutting down, ignoring or tuning out these big emotions, past experiences and identities. In reality, we need to do the opposite and invite them in to let them move through. 

Here is the approach I’m using as I reconcile old work identities from 16+ years in corporate leadership:

1. Pull up a chair 
One of my favourite poems of all time is The Guest House by Rumi. It’s a beautiful metaphor for inviting in every emotion like a visitor who’s coming for tea (everyone is welcome). As you would with a friend, you pull up a chair and check in to ask, “What does my grief and loss have to say? What does it need?” And more often than not, you’ll learn more about the story to help it unfold on its own.

2. Learn the language of the body
Beyond having a conversation with your emotions, you can also learn how and where they show up in the body. When we learn to track sensations, we can be empowered to help emotions be naturally processed in the nervous system.

You can learn more about this practice and others on my YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pMFKAk-Qmg

3. Look for the glimmers
Part of letting go is being more present to what’s right in front of us. Pioneered by Deb Dana, a polyvagal researcher, looking for the glimmers is an accessible practice that brings us into connection with micro-moments of goodness. When we pause to notice something that’s good in our environment, we’re signalling safety and connection to our nervous system. It doesn’t have to be anything mega - it could be the way the sunshine streams through the trees, how your coffee mug feels in your hand or the way your dog is nuzzling next to you on the couch. 

Your embodied leadership takeaway
When it comes to letting go as you move into a new chapter, remember this. You don’t need to shove down the big bubbling up of grief, loss and fear - this is a sign you’re exactly where you need to be. And welcoming it in is a perfect place to start the (slow) act of moving forward by letting go.